Don't give up on yourself!

Knowing and analyzing our insecurities

Have you ever felt like you just don’t belong anywhere? Whenever you enter into the classroom and you just feel that people might laugh at you or talk behind your back whenever you exit your classroom, right?

Have you ever been anxious around strangers and even friends because you think that you are boring? Have you ever been ashamed of yourself that you can’t look into the mirror?

Have you ever felt ugly or worthless when you had invested a lot in a romantic relationship and all you got in return was your partner disrespecting you, disrespecting your love, blaming you for everything, coming back as they please, going back as they please and breaking your heart multiple times?

It hurts when someone who you trust the most backstabs you one talks about friendship, relationship or even professional life.

In general, we talk about friendship, the people who care about others, who are kind to everyone and who are honest at heart might get hurt very easily because such people end up getting bullied, deceived and heartbroken.

Such fake friends are only at the time of “their need” but not when “you are in need”. A sense of abandonment is deeply felt.

If one talks about relationships, people emotionally suffer a lot. I know it’s very easy for anyone to say that “It’s a just a phase to make you stronger” or “It wasn’t meant to be” but very difficult for anyone to go through this excruciating pain!

The words like “positivity” or “letting go” are very easy to hear but to understand its actual meaning and applying it in our lives is very difficult.

People who are your well-wishers would always recommend you to stay positive or move on from such toxic friendships and relationships.

I really understand that some people might be used to hearing such words but might not actually listen to it. A person could be irritated, frustrated and angry even if their well -wishers say those words out of care.

This is because it is difficult for a person suffering from trauma of any kind of situation whether its friendship, relationship etc to absorb such words. This is because every individual has different struggles and each individual endures a lot of pain with varying intensities.

Such people are very emotionally vulnerable. One conversation which might be a joke to one person, might trigger anxiety in another person. Such painful incidences in personal and professional might actually make a person burdened by their insecurities.

I really feel and understand that people who are burdened by their insecurities due to the external factors often feel worthless, ugly, underconfident, unloved, anxious, lonely, abandoned, suffocated, helpless, disappointed and depressed.

In professional life as well, people often feel underconfident and incompetent. They are often stressed out with their workload and do not feel happy from inside.

Often due to such overwhelming incidences and feelings, one also thinks on giving up on themselves! They stop to live, only exist and feel empty all the time.

You matter!

The important things which I wanted to say to all the people who have truly loved from the core of their heart, to those who invested 400% in their friendship and those people who gave their best in producing high quality work, no problem of yours and no feeling of yours is small and invaluable! Everything that you feel matters! Most importantly, you matter!

Surviving each day with such overwhelming feelings is really hard and brave work to do. You might not realize it but to get up from bed when you are severely depressed requires a lot of bravery!

Don’t give up on yourself! You might not realize it but you might be source of someone’s happiness, you might be very important to someone and there might be some people who would cry if you harm yourself. You just need to take your time, open your eyes and heart to see it!

I am not asking you to stay positive or I won’t say “Everything will be fine”. As your virtual crying shoulder, I would suggest you to let all your feelings and frustrations out, to fill as much pages of your diary as you want, to reach out to an understanding councilor if you don’t feel comfortable to talk to your family.

Tips for tackling your insecurities

I would just ask you to try to see your situation with a new perspective and at the same time remembering some very important things:

1. If you ever feel such overwhelming feelings and you feel that you are ugly, worthless or good for nothing by anyone, try to analyze their face. Once you do that, you’ll realize that whatever any harsh words someone says to you is actually them showing and imposing their insecurities on you.

Insecurities arise only when you feel someone is superior than you and such people do not acknowledge the fact but trust me deep down, they know everything.

If we look at another perspective, if people who out of their insecurities say harsh words to you, it means that they are seeking their validation of them being superior from you, so in any sense they themselves prove that you are much superior!

2. In friendships, even after giving your friends chances and confronting them, they hurt you, take advantage of you or bully you, leave them.

The simplest way is to ignore them. But if you are bold by nature then directly say what you actually want to say without any hesitation and simply leave without turning back.

If you are friends with popular group, then also see it from a perspective that people would eventually forget and won’t remember such groups. Generally, as we would grow older such things won’t matter to anyone.

So, it is always better to be with yourself rather than having such toxic friends. Trust me you would be much happy and free and one day when you meet real friends, never let them go!

3. In relationships, don’t let anyone not even your partner to hurt you, disrespect you, emotionally, physically and verbally abuse you.

Its very easy to say these words but there would be some point where the breakup would still hurt but you will stop writing emails continuously to your unresponsive partner.

At a point of time, you’ll realize that it is pointless beating a wall. If anyone really loves you, they will make and effort to make the impossible to “I am possible”!

If we look at this situation also with a new perspective, the separation would make you realize your own feelings, to think about how were you treated, how you treated your partner, to learn from your mistakes and improving oneself, so that even if fruitful reunion happens, you will have a clear and stable mind to forgive the past and start a new beginning.

Use this separation time to improve and introspect yourself, take better care of yourself by chanting prayers, eating healthy food or even junk food once a week, hanging out with friends again, picking up a hobby which you had left ages ago or even just playing any sport like badminton!

Taking a salt water bath can also remove negativities to a great extent.

But if you strongly feel that your partner will mistreat you again if you reunite, then with a heavy heart, taking as much time as you need, follow the above steps with the perspective that you’ll do them solely for yourself. Don’t let anyone make you feel that you don’t matter or you don’t deserve to exist.

Look at this situation from the perspective that if your partner who is mistreating you has lots of flaws in him or her as well. If they would have been perfect, then they would be God who would have created the whole universe!

Fortunately, they are not gods who created you, so it is not necessary that whatever they said is the absolute universal truth right? So, don’t worry, whatever they say in any way doesn’t define you.

4. Finally, in professional life as well, if anyone takes advantage of you, think of it as a learning experience. If you feel insecure that the someone’s personality is better than you, observe them and make necessary improvements in yourself. It would not mean losing yourself, it would just mean that you are being a better version of yourself.

So, if your head scolds you, you are allowed to feel hurt but don’t let that hurt overpower you. Think of this situation as a learning lesson for your personal and professional growth. Don’t be disheartened by your failures as your failures and mistakes will only be stepping stones for your success.